The Doctors pit sex and relationship therapist Dr. Chris Donaghue against Matthew Hussey, author of “Get the Guy,” in the ultimate dating expert duel.
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This is such a double standard. Why is it that he says that only men might be worried about a girl sleeping with them too soon, and not feeling special. Why wouldn't a girl be worried about the same and lose respect for him as well? It takes two to tango, yo. Dr. Chris is right. Say this scenario happens and two people on a date are really into each and want to have sex. If a man holds his masculinity so fragile that he'd uninterested in a girl for doing what she wants to do, if she wants to have sex on the first date (and he does too, once again lets not forget THAT HE'S PART OF THIS SLUT SHAMING EQUATION) but she's the "easy" one, well ladies, I say steer clear of these wimpy ass dudes that think they themselves and a woman they slept with "too soon" could be incapable of love and emotional connection afterwards.
Wanted to punch that guy who wrote that how to get the GUY book in the face he isn’t for couples he’s there to couch the women to be good for the men and I don’t like it. The feminist doesn’t even really refer to gender much instead he talks about sex as a whole and your partner, while the other guy is like oh your gonna crush the guys ego, you gotta make him feel special even tho most men wouldn’t do it for you. Anyone saying that Mathew guy one is a dumbass and It’d give me great pleasure to throw hands with em.
Dr. Chris seems to be speaking on behalf of highly cerebral and/or emotionally-sensitive men, whereas Matthew may be speaking of the the mass population of men. In an ideal world, anyone should be able to do whatever they want, whenever they want, and with whomever they want and while a lasting relationship COULD result, isn't it safe to acknowledge that this is the vast EXCEPTION to the rule? I think Matthew is speaking to the likelihood (not just the probability/possibility) of scenarios.
When he said "I don't subscribe to sexist gender norms", i rolled my eyes. Men and women respond to sex very differently. If you want to call identifying the biological differences sexist, you are not living in reality.
Chris Donahue knows his stuff. And I agree with him. He’s desperately trying to get people to see that sex is nuanced. It’s complicated. It’s not a one-size-fits-all experience for people based on their gender
Dr. Chris might have theoretical experience (degree and research), but Mr. Matthew has more practical experience!
Regardless of who they are and what have they achieved so far, if we only analyze their opinions objectively, i think Matthew has valid point.
I feel sorry for Matthew. As much as I love his presence and his on screen charisma, he's basically painted himself in a corner. Being a dating coach for women, OF COURSE he would have to say those things. But deep down, I wouldn't be at all surprised if he secretly sided with Chris.
I honestly don't know any man who wouldn't get pissed with a woman for deciding to hold off the sex for later. Especially when more men are starting to figure out that women are more than happy to spread their legs for assholes who have no interest in dating them.
Women may have gotten away with this rubbish 20 years ago, but there are far too many accessible scientific sources and research online now that backs up the fact that with regards to sex, women have a dual mating strategy and are simply full of shit... The jig is up ladies.
Making a guy wait for sex always gets him hooked , sleep/do anything sexual with him he will either forget about a relationship because theres nothing special your just another body, he can sleep with anyone and get sex but who can he easily meet fall in love with a personality etc and then as a bonus get sex.
How soon you sleep with someone doesn't correlate to the length or success of a relationship. In fact, a guy who's told to wait for it or earn it simply communicates that his physical intimacy alone isn't good enough and that he has to negotiate for it, which sets the tone for an extremely unhealthy dynamic. I think it's high time girls stop scamming good guys who would otherwise give it away freely to assholes who have no interest in dating you. We're no longer clueless, understand why you do it and know what's really going on.
I really don't understand why people hate men claiming themselves as Feminist. They're just trying to say they are trying to have balanced view. What is so wrong about it. They are saying it because some women starts booing when they hear guy saying somewhat different from what women usually think. It is very biased to think men cannot be feminists.
I can agree to a certain degree with both sides. That is what is tricky. A woman can choose the time that is right for her but it really depends on what the man is thinking the sex is to him. Some men and women can disconnect sex from romantic love or like but others can not. So it feels like a bit of a crap shoot...
Everyone gets insecure from time to time, so the idea of being insecure is a terrible thing, it's just a thing that happens. And no-one slut shamed because they said to wait to have sex. - The male can wait to have sex too.
I'm more with chris on this.. why is it that women have to worry about being judged by a man because they decided to have sex early on? It takes two people to decide to go back and have sex so why is the man who gets to stand back and see her unworthy of a relationship afterwards?
haha too funny, matthew hussey coming up against (gay-ish?? or just very polished & woman gender stereotype freeing) feminist (equality of the sexes with sex regardless of cultural & traditional societal influence) bloke (male) sex therapist, (with a fixation or obsession with mentioning slut shaming,) & he suddenly becomes all mr chivalry, traditional english gentleman, & self respect for women: no don't be too easy, waiting is better, when you want a relationship, you need a connection first, men don't like it when they know they haven't earned your affections with their wonderful amazing unique brilliant personal attributes beyond their sexual prowess... Maybe he has finally found the woman of his dreams, who HASN'T been too quick or easy to give it up to him, (for a change??) &/or matured beyond the make it available, girls, (& I quote: "it's a wondeful thing, & I would tell it to my sister or daughter" IF I had one...) phase (ie., has reached/passed the age of 25, up until which age mens level of maturity keeps them in a perpetual state of needing to sew as many of their "wild oat seeds" as possible, with no regard for the inherent spiritual value for women & girls (as far as it is dependant upon them,) to retain their moral purity & maintaining ones virtue for their future life partner. &/or just having a healthy amount of self respect, so as to not have to prove your worth by devaluing & cheapening yourself for the sake of getting or keeping a guy interested or trying to gain some kind of intimacy "prematurely," -without first establishing some emotional connection (of course my recommendation to girls and men will always be to wait for marriage.)
Well anyway, good on him, for finally maturing & being a man, & not just a "lad" anymore...
Makes you wonder though, if anyone takes morality, spiritual & moral values, or religious beliefs surrounding this subject seriously anymore, even though spirituality plays a big part -beyond the expectations that society has traditionally had of womens behaviour as far as sexual conduct... which they don't or have not seemed to extend to men -at any time in probably the history of the world...??
Hence the slut shaming thing which that guy keeps pointing out, from the unequal expectations put on the diff genders. (But WHY AREN'T guys told the same as girls, & are praised for doing as much as they can of what girls are told not to?? That is an interesting question....!)
& too bad God/faith & Christ/ Christianity (& its virtues/values) can't be part of the conversation in the mainstream secular media & society, when we are created spiritual beings, & much of our physical selves is influenced by that fact, whether we realise or are aware it or not.
Her statement is really gross. "Men have to earn their woman." Oh, so women are mens prize for whatever-he-has-done-to-earn-her?
And here I was making the assumption that women and men were people, human beings, with different sexes.
You don't -earn- sex with a woman. You have sex with another person that wants to have sex with you.
Matthew Hussey has more class to allow the douche bag "Dr. Chris" to keep on saying blah, blah, blah, I've done so much therapy and I know more cause I've done therapy with sooooo many people blah blah blah and I know everything. Not even allowing Matthew Hussey to have an actual conversation and speak. Sorry "Dr" Matthew Hussey is far better at giving great advice and speaking about topics thousand of people have asked him about. He doesn't make things up. He speaks from years of experience speaking to women mostly and men. Some think that people that have studied texts books and have degrees...well they MUST know what is REALLY going on out there. I truly love everything Matthew Hussey stands for. I would never go to a rude and obnoxious Dr. I'd ask Matthew Hussey for advice hands down. I hope to one day be able to save up money to go to one of his amazing events. I know it would be a life changing event, no I know it will be. Nothing but love for you Mr. Hussey. Stay classy.
"women will more easily sleep with someone they don't like than someone they really like"
This is only half true. There are plenty of women who sleep with a man they really like in the hope that they will entice him into a long term relationship. But props to Matthew for saying this at all because most men don't realise this (present company excluded).
The real issue is that of women wanting a man who is out of her league. And this man having no reason at all to settle because he has a myriad of options.
Matthew Hussey is a God of dating. no one can compare to him. this grey shirt guy... yes I don't care to remember his name.. is a SJW sex therapist.. keeps on throwing words like slut shaming, feminism and etc. He probably thinks rape culture is a thing too 😂😂
1:22 WTF to the max!!! those eyebrows look horrible! She clearly doesnt have good friends in her life otherwise they would have told her about those hideous bushes. Also that Chris guy is the most horrible and annoying person on the doctors EVER! He is very pompus and arrogant!
the reality of the issue is that sex is the ultimate goal, and if you meet someone and sleep with them right away and they turn out to be not that special in your opinion, well men and women will stick around with minimal investment until they find something better. However, if you wait to sleep with the other person, the ultimate goal is still unmet and you have time to really know if you have some basics in common and walk away emotionally unharmed or stay because you have a lot in common and make every sexual encounter thereafter the more meaningful. Some people get lucky and they have lasting relationships with the people they slept with right away, but if we are realistic, out of 10 people in a room, and we slept with all of them, how many could we have lasting relationships with? that's where the answer lies, probably one or none, cuz we simply don't have that much in common with every random stranger we meet other than being PHYSICALLY attracted.
Chris Donaghue sounds so misguided. Him calling himself a feminist just makes me more certain I'm definitely not a feminist. The fact is, if you don't know each other well, then the relationship may not last. And if you have sex soon, then you haven't had a chance to get to know each other well.
And you definitely haven't had a chance to form any emotional connection, and sex is MUCH better with an emotional connection.
I feel like Matthew and this woman talks too much about the womens perspective. I understand their point of view and I agree that if you want something long term, wait for it. But they were always talking about how the women have to wait. And it would be interesting to have a debate the other way round, to talk about how easy or "not" guys are to get into bed, and how they feel about this. I feel like when it comes to these debates, it focuses mainly on womens perspective and I appreciate that because I'm a woman myself, but I would like to broaden my view by seeing this differently.
I agree with some comments: the two guys are not compatible in this discussion. They have different jobs: one is a sex therapist who helps people with their sexual issues and not the relationships and the other is a dating coach helping people with complex relationships issues. There can never be any agreement on things when one is exploring part of the relationship, that is sex, whereas the other is exploring the whole dating process from day one to marriage and beyond. I also agree with someone who said why make them like 'enemies' why not simply discuss? It is pointless altogether because, as I mentioned earlier there should have been two dating gurus put together like Adam LoDolce and Matthew Hussey. Just a small comment to people who feel strongly about these guys and their opinion we can always maintain a measure of respect we should not degrade ourselves by calling them names and use foul language it spoils the joy of reading other people's comments for me. Anyway, I enjoyed the comments as well.
My fear is developing that connection with a man and he has a small penis. Not joking. OMG. Worst situation being with a guy with a small penis. Good sex is such a big part of intimacy, how do you get around this? I'm currently celibate, for 2 years now, because I wanted to take time off to regroup and date without sex till marriage but now that I want to get back in the game and find the one I fear the small penis.
Matthew is fantastic! I watch him on his youtube chanel for a few years and there is no one like him, he is really something else. Every interview with him is amasing! I knew he'd give excellent advice. I love him :)
That 39 yo dude is such a douche. Has such a high ego he cant help it. Nothing he says makes sense because he doesnt consider the individual states, and why the fuck use so many cliches "slutshaming", "emotional baggage", "i am an expert". Bleh too shallow
I agree more with Matthew on this topic. I understand that sexual compatibility is important in a relationship but I also believe that it's better to wait to be intimate with someone who means something to you and who is special to you.
How about, it fucking depends on the circumstances? Have sex with a person whenever it feels comfortable and natural for the two of you to do so. For most people, that tends to happen when you've already developed some kind of emotional connection anyway. It doesn't have to be a super deep, life-altering emotional connection, just a connection.
The first sexual encounter, whether it occurs on the first date or the tenth, shouldn't dictate the course of your entire relationship. I don't know, maybe a guy or girl isn't special at that moment, and you would have had sex with anyone at the bar. Is that so wrong, to have a strong sexual attraction to someone and run with it? You determine if they're special enough to have a committed relationship with LATER. So, I guess I disagree with Matthew Hussey here.
I agree with aspects of both sides. Like maybe it is true that if you slept with a guy right away he wouldn't feel special and that's the reason he wouldn't want to date you, but that's not really fair to women is it? So maybe you wouldn't want to deal with that guy down the road either, because if you're sleeping together and vibing, would sleeping together right away really be that much of a deterrent when you could just keep having fun and getting to know each other?
Matthew Hussey and Rosie Mercado looks at the situation in a very sociological way.... I agree with them to some extent. I believe that one must also look and understand that one's circumstances is different to others. I've known friends who've had sex on the first date and five years later they are still together. I say when it comes to relationship focus on the connection you have with that other person. I'll say I agree more with Dr. Chris Donaghue
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